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Is a Long Term Relationship Worth It?

Couple Having Dinner Together

Just asking this question alone, is largely going to depend on the individual asking themself this question.  Deciding whether anything you do in life is “worth it” is entirely up to you, and who you are and how you choose to live your life.  Being in a long term relationship is no different, it is just another one of those choices.  

In order to figure out if it will be worth if for you, you have to ask yourself a few questions. 

  • How old are you? 
  • What are you future plans? 
  • Do you plan on starting a new job or relocating soon? 
  • Have you been in a long term relationship before? 
  • Are you the type of person that can commit to something and do what you say you are going to do?

Your answers to these questions are largely going to determine if a long term relationship will be worth it for you.  

Your Age

In general, the younger you are, the less likely a long term relationship is for you.  I know a lot people, especially in their high school years, meet someone, they start dating, and as soon as they get to third base, fall in love and feel like they are “the one”. 

While it does happen that some people end up marrying their high school sweetheart, it is not very common and probably is not the best thing for a healthy sex life in general. It is extremely valuable to date several people before committing your whole life to one person!

As much as you feel in love, and feel like this person could be the one, the reality is, you both have your whole life ahead of you.  What feels right now, might not feel right in 10 years from now

Also, depending the goals that both of you have after high school, it may not even be feasible to stay together.  Maybe one of you will go away to college in another city far away.  You may try to hold it together for a little while in a long distance relationship, but the the odds of this working out in the long run are not in your favor.  

So quick rule of thumb, the younger you are, the less a long term relationship will be for you.  Of course, there will always be exceptions, but just saying….

What Are Your Life Goals?

Are you an ambitious person starting a new business, or maybe trying to work your way up the corporate ladder?  Or maybe, you are willing to travel a lot for work to see the world and get paid at the same time? 

If this is you, then chances are, a long term relationship is not right for you.  At least, not right now.  It is much better for you to go after these goals being single, as you will not have to accommodate anyone else along the way.

What I mean is, when you are in a long term relationship with someone, a lot of times you end up putting their needs before your own because of your love for them.  That is truly a noble and great thing, but not if you are trying to get ahead in life, and missing important opportunities for advancement along the way.  The one exception I would say if this is you, a long term relationship could be for you if it is with the right person at the right time.

Meaning, you and your partner both have the same goal in mind, or want to start the business together.  This way, your partner will not expect you to give anything up for them in order to achieve your goals and, you will get to spend plenty of time achieving those goals together, while maintaining a happy relationship.  In general though, these situations are probably few and far between and most people have their own “path” to follow in life.

How Committed Are You?

Ask yourself these questions.  Have you been in a long term relationship before?  How long did it last?  Did it last longer than 1 year?  Were you happy in the relationship you had before?  Did you cheat?  Were you always just waiting for the next, or better person to come along?

Again, this is largely based on you.  Everyone is going to be different in this category.  You really need to have some dating experience under your belt, and know who you are as a person.  

A common mistake a lot people make is getting into a long term relationship too early without enough dating experience, and later on find out that it is not for them.  Often times, these people will be the ones to cheat on their partner, or let them down in another way that does not coincide with being together long term.  

I realize that relationships fall apart, and people change, people cheat for all sorts of different reasons.  I am not going to get into all of that in this article, but I will say that you really need to know yourself on this one.  

Being in a long term relationship takes work, every day, a lot like a marriage. 

Really, the only difference is a piece of paper from your local government!  The rest of the rules and mechanics of marriage apply here!  It’s not always going to be easy, or all roses and fun and games.  If you are not sure how committed you are, check out this article here about the difference between love and lust

If you are aware of this, and you are ok with ups and downs the relationship will certainly have, then by all means, dive right in!  But if you are only in it for the fun times, or just like the beginning stages of a relationship when everything is beautiful, then you are not ready and this is not for you.  

Do You Value Companionship?

Do you like having someone around 24/7?  Some people love it, some people hate it!  Or if you have never experienced this before, then the only way to know is to try it.  Being with someone long term, means seeing that person all the time. 

If you really value your alone time or having your own place, or cannot stand to see the same person everyday, then I would say companionship is certainly not at the top of your list of priorities.

But if you are like me, you really like having someone there everyday.  Someone you can hang out with regularly, and do the things you love together.  Have meals together, wake up in the morning and see each other as soon as you wake up. 

I value these things a lot in my relationship. 

For some, that might be dreadful, I think it’s wonderful.  Sometimes it can be annoying to have someone around all the time though.  Maybe you just need time to do your own thing.

That is ok too!  You can still be in a long term relationship, and still have set boundaries or scheduled alone time in order to keep a balance.  Every couples level of tolerance for each other can be different!

Some couples need to have a girls / boys night out once a week with their friends, away from their partner.  Others just need to spend some time alone in a separate room, reading a book, or doing a hobby that does not involve the other person.  As committed as you are to each other, it still important to maintain some form of individualism even when you are sharing your life with someone else.  

Having a companion or a long term partner means having someone who is always there for you, no matter what, even when you might not want them to be

But value your time together, and if you find yourself needing some extra space or time alone, don’t be afraid to tell your partner.  If it is true love, it will be no issue at all.  And that brings me to my next point.

The harsh reality is, that one day, that person will no longer be there for you.  One of you will probably die before the other and you will once again be alone.  So it is extremely important to maintain a sense of self, throughout the years and have hobbies and activities you can do without your partner, so you can still live a life without them one day.

I know no one really wants to contemplate this aspect of a long term relationship, but let’s face it, it is inevitable, and sooner or later, we all end up alone. 

How Long is Considered a Long Term Relationship?

There are really no hard and fast rules on this one, but I would say any relationship with the same person, without any type of splitting up orbreaks” in between, that is at least one year or longer together,  you are officially in a long term relationship. 

That might not seem like a long time for people that have been with someone for years, but looking at the way things are today with most peoples lack of commitment and hook up websites, one year is an achievement!

But just know, that one year is only a drop in the bucket and even after this amount of time, you are really still getting to know each other.  In fact, if you are in healthy relationship, you will always be getting to know each other until the day you die. 

The reason for this is simply because over the years, people evolve and people change.  Being together long term means observing these changes together, and embracing each other for who you become through out the years, instead of holding onto the past or who someone once was.

This is a vital part of a long term relationship.  Being able to go through growth, and changes together, and work your way through them, instead of letting these changes drive you apart.

Long Term Relationship Problems

Being with anyone for a long time, no matter how happy you are, eventually you are going to have disagreements or problems with one another.  That is perfectly normal, and everyone will go through this.  What makes the difference on whether or not couples last, is their ability to work through the problems that come up.

Some of the problems that are common for a long term relationship are:

  • Cooling off after the honeymoon phase
  • Less Than Great Sex
  • Infidelity
  • Not enough sex
  • Losing Trust in your partner
  • Family tensions
  • Too much arguing or fighting, especially over small things
  • One person being too controlling
  • Not doing enough fun things together
  • Loss of Attraction
  • Drifting apart, whether emotionally or physically
  • Living in a world where its OK to get divorced or separate
  • Having too many single friends
  • Different Life Goals
  • Having Children, and raising them together
  • Insecurity

The list really could go on and on, and I am not going to get into  how to resolve all of these issues. I linked to some of the points, on those topics that I have already written about.  These are just some of the issues that can potentially come up along the way.  

It takes two to start a relationship

It takes two to make another human, and it also takes two to work through these issues.  If only one person is interested in working through the issues, and other person unwilling, your chances of lasting together are ZERO!

This is not for couples that have only been together a few years either.  This applies to all couples.  People can be happy together for many years, but then one day, one of these changes or problems I mentioned above can surface, and change everything in the relationship overnight.  And sometimes, things just don’t work out.  Only you and your partner can decide if you have what it takes to solve the problems and if you both have the desire to stay together.

Long Term Relationship Advice

With the shear volume of available information coming at us everyday it can be really hard to get back to the basics and just focus on a few simple things that make us happy, remember who we are and why we started dating someone to begin with.  Here are my personal things that I do in my relationship in order to keep things going great, or as great as they can be.

  • Have Lots of Sex!
  • Go on dates regularly, no matter how long you have been together
  • Enjoy time with each others family
  • Take vacations together
  • Make it a Point to Seduce Each Other
  • Eat your meals together, and discuss life or what is happening that day
  • Learn to love the good things, and forget about the bad things
  • Stay in shape together
  • Agree ahead of time on life goals, or large purchases
  • Have your own things you like to do WITHOUT YOUR PARTNER
  • Live every day together, like it could be your last
  • Never take them for granted
  • Choose to be in your relationship every day, instead of feeling obligated
  • Listen to your partner
  • Be there for them no matter what
  • Be a team in all aspects of life
  • Help each other out with chores
  • Don’t tell others the “DIRT” on your relationship, keep your problems between you and your partner
  • Always tell the truth
  • Spend some time with other couples
  • Commit

I am not sourcing this information from anywhere on the internet, but from my own life and how we choose to live our relationship.  My wife and I do ALL of these things I mentioned and I think each one of them, brings value to the relationship and really helps keep us committed to each other and together for the long haul.

Conclusion and My Opinion

I truly think that being in a long term relationship is a wonderful thing.  Like everything else in life it has it’s pros and cons and certainly it’s ups and downs.  It is also not for everyone, or may not be for you yet.  

Being with the same person for a long time has made me realize a lot about my own self, and what my priorities truly are in life.  I feel like, you can only grow so much on your own, but in order to become who you really are, you need someone else to bring that out of you.  

That has been my personal experience

I really feel like I would not be the person I am today if it wasn’t for my lovely wife.  She has helped me through so many things in life, and I have helped her as well.  We have also pushed each other, to do things that we might not have had the courage to do on our own.

This blog for example.  If it wasn’t for her support, I may never have even started this blog!  But because of her, I have gained valuable life experience to write this and also the confidence to put it all together and try to make something of myself.  

When you feed off of each others energy and are constantly supporting and pushing each other further, I believe you can achieve things in life that you maybe never thought you could, but because you are together, you were able to make dreams come true.  

That is why I think long term relationships are great, and when the time is right for you, everyone should experience it and really find that person who makes you WANT to be with them everyday.

Photo by bruce mars from Pexels

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